Megan O’s Poem

Your heart beats and

beats and beats but there was a

problem and I don’t know why, it just was

what it was, but why was it you? that I’ll never

understand, and it used to keep me up at

night wondering how bad it would get

and what else was wrong and how

would it be to be without you in

the hospital and would you

love me and would I

be ok if for some

reason you

weren’t

We already knew that

something was wrong so we had

a plan for when you arrived and I thought

that knowing would make things better but it was

different and stranger and worse than I thought,

the pain and exhaustion and worry and fear

were bottled up as I pushed to recover

and see you, and when I did it was

as if my body couldn’t handle

what was happening,

it was too much

for three

days

And now I know that

it was successful and you are “ok”

for at least six months and the doctors are

calm and optimistic which makes me so relieved,

but even relief is hard when it could’ve been

different and for others it’s not, I don’t get

why it has to be like that, your heart

has left me with questions and

not answers but it has also

helped me cherish

the roll of the dice I

got which is

you