Melodie’s Essay

For most patients, cardiac disease feels like a train wreck. We are unprepared for a shaky landscape of fragile health, medical expenses, career changes, and emotional upsets. We ignored the gentle nudges our bodies gave us like shortness of breath and fatigue. Eventually, our bodies revolted. Enough! Chest pain is the cardiac equivalent of a shot across the bow forcing us to make a choice. We could surrender to overwhelming fear and fatigue. Or we could thrive, choose life, and make compromises that assure physical and mental recovery.

My own cardiac journey followed this course. I am a life long runner and my diagnosis dropped me to my knees. In the matter of 2 weeks I went from running weekly double digit miles to barely having the stamina to shower. Moreover, my job as the managing director of a healthcare facility, sucked the life out of me. I loved my job and I was good at it, racking up many professional accolade over the years. The stress, however, was enormous. Besides the financial and quality management, there were the suicides, opioid diversion, workplace violence, and surgeon meltdowns. All of it fell under my domain, and all of it took a physical toll.

The initial warnings were subtle, and I should have known better than to ignore them. It was only after attending a conference where Huffington Post Editor Ariana Huffington spoke about her own health issues that I had a cardiac epiphany. I was in trouble, and later confirmed by my cardiologist.

Overwhelmed by fear of the unknown, I almost gave up. The control I had over my life seemed lost forever. However, I hit the pause button to inventory what I had left, realizing it was considerable. I made a business plan (because it’s what I knew how to do), for my husband. in case I didn’t survive. It wasn’t just a will. I wrote down all the material parts of my life that as a couple we forgot to itemize: passwords, bank accounts, jewelry, names and address of friends and family, and life insurance policies. I selected a probate attorney, and notified a close friend (also an attorney) whose job it was to help my husband navigate my death or incapacity. More importantly, I took control of my attitude. I made a conscious decision to look at this test not as a glass half empty or even half full. I made sure it was refillable

Happily, I survived my surgery, and returned to running, completing 2 half marathons the following year. My passion for my career, was gone however, and I left healthcare a year after returning to work. I substituted crafts for spreadsheets and art classes for board meetings. I eventually found a new career with fewer hours and far less stress. I continue to thrive, and every morning I make a conscious decision. How can I refill my glass today?