Facing Mortality—Literally

Mark

Growing up in the 70's & 80's were some tough years on the spirit and mind of this young soul. Two open heart surgery's before the age of 5 and many needles and Mayo visits were routine it seemed for me to go through during those years. I had to learn about living with this heart disease and know it wasn't common to see other kids with this type of disease. I also had to learn about life and death much younger than I cared to.

Dad had his first heart attack at the age of 33. He was a hefty character that didn't listen to a Dr very well & did everything at 110% and lived life to his fullest. Dad passed when he was only 40yrs old and I was 9 at the time of his death. The wake and funeral and all the people that attended and the sobbing and the terrible feeling is hard to explain but the pain always was there. He was everything to us.

It wasn't maybe a little over a year that after Dad's passing we received news that my Uncle was killed in an accident when he was only 42. Another funeral, flowers and gravesite to witness. Two young men two deaths with two years apart.With all this death in these short years of being nine and eleven years old had brought the understanding that death can flip you upside down in an instant.

So now the term “Mortality” of living with CHD was really starting to plant a seed within me. How long is this journey of life going to go for me and why at 9 would this be something for me to really think about? Nine years old and I am starting to think about my own mortality! I truly think those days sent me down some pretty rough roads of internal thoughts and feelings and most definitely instilled some of my actions and terrible choices in life in my late teens and twenties. I didn't think life was any longer than the forties. Wow, what a way to think about life back then and you know things were not ever thought about as far as counseling or speaking to someone that understood what was really going on with me but mortality was instilled and will always be within me in every beat of this heart but by the grace of God I am still six foot above the first layer of dirt!

I think almost through every one of my major surgeries such as the one at 14 and for certain the one at 35yrs of age had some serious thoughts of will I truly make it through this one and continue this life or will I wake up on the other side?

So what has the thought of mortality really taught me throughout all these years of life of CHD? Don’t take life for granted. Live for today as tomorrow is never promised!