Amber’s Essay

Everything I have in this life is because of my CHD and Jesus. My CHD and faith has made me who I am. I am grateful for my CHD. Yes, you heard that right, grateful for my CHD and you will see why.

I was born with Tricuspid Atresia and I always knew that pregnancy would probably never happen for me, but I was hopeful. My cardiologist advised my husband and I against getting pregnant. It could have been deadly for me and our baby. After many tears and weighing the risk, we ultimately decided that pregnancy was not the answer for us. It took me many years to accept that I would never be a mother in the traditional sense. However, I knew I'd be a mother. Somehow, some way.

Adoption became our dream. 7 years ago we started towards our dream. It was a long and hard road. I wondered many times if I would ever be a mother. My faith waived many times.

Everything changed in November 2019. We got "the call'' that we had been praying for, for 5 long years. The second I laid eyes on her, I knew she was the child that I have been praying for since I was 15. Like I said, in the back of my mind, I always knew that having my own child probably would never happen, but I had faith that I was going to be a mother. I held onto that hope and faith for years. Sometimes it was small, but I held on to it. I held on to Jesus. When I felt like I was falling, Jesus would hold me tightly and whisper "She's coming."

I always felt like my CHD took away my dream of being a mother, but it didn't. It gave me a better dream. If I would have been able to have a child, it would have robbed me of being her mother. Something I will never take for granted.

Many times over the past 20 months, I have been gently reminded by God that he had a plan. That he didn’t take my ability to have children away from me, to hurt me. He did it to keep me safe. No matter how many times I begged him, telling him that my heart was strong enough. Telling him I could do it, his answer was always the same. No. I just didn’t want to hear that. Now when I look back, I am so thankful for that unanswered prayer. Jesus had a better plan. A beautiful plan.

I share my story and my journey to give you hope. To show that God hears our prayers. He may not answer them in the way/time that we want. We just have to have faith. God has not left you to fight your battles alone. He never will. He is the God of miracles, after all. And, I am living proof of that...